MY experiences in bodybuilding competition *warning: lewd lanuage and a whole lotta tellin it like it is will occur in this blog*Read Now
well, most of you guys who know me already know everything i went through during my brief obsession in the world of figure shows...then there are alllll of you internet bully-losers who , for some reason, took joy in talking shit about my aspirations and what not during that time. i am going to clear up all the "confusion" that was brought on by 1) some people i pissed off and had a vendetta against me, 2) all the mean-spirited, evil people who just wanTED TO go with the flow and throw stones at people they don't even know cuz all the other chotch-bags are doing it!!
here we go: i threw myself into trying out this sport after about 6 million people approached me over several years and told me i'd be great in competitions. at first, i hated the idea. i thought bb shows were lame and lasted waaaay toooo long . LOL. and, i really never wanted to look like thAT (DRIED OUT 6 PACK AND SUNK IN DIET FACE). BUT, WHEN A FEW PEOPLE AT ANIMAL HOUSE , WHO I REALLY RESPECTED, CAME AND TOLD ME THEY THOUGHT I COULD DO IT, I REALLY STARTED TO CONSIDER IT. THEN, I WENT THROUGH A BAD BREAKUP AND DECIDED TO LAUNCH MYSELF INTO THIS IDEA FULL FORCE. I HAD NEVER BEEN GREAT AT DIETING.... HOURS OF CARDIO-??--no problem!!! HEAVY LIFTING TILL I AM NEAR DEATH-??? BRING IT ON!!! BUT THAT GOD DAMN DIETING WAS NOT FOR ME. I TRIED TO FOLLOW WHAT MY "ADVISERS" TOLD ME (I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A "COACH" FOR THIS SHOW. I GOT HELP FROM THE PROMOTERS OF THE SHOW AND SOME OTHER BB FRIENDS, BUT I NEVER PAID ANYONE FOR THEIR ADVICE, THEY JUST OFFERED IT TO HELP ME OUT!) AS I BEGAN THIS VENTURE, SUDDENLY, EVERY COMPETITOR ON THE INTERNET WAS MY "FRIEND" AND SUPPORTER . PEOPLE SEEMED SO WELCOMING AND ANXIOUS TO HELP A FIRST TIME COMPETITOR. SOME HAD GOOD INTENTIONS, AND SOME WERE JUST JUMPING ON THE BANDWAGON BECAUSE OF WHO I WAS ASSOCIATED WITH. I STARTED SEEING HOW EVERYONE ELSE WAS SO MOTIVATED AND ENCOURAGING AND CONFIDENT( TO THE POINT OF COCKY) IN THEMSELVES, (YOU KINDA HAVE to be TO PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THIS ORDEAL) . and i wanted to be overly confident and look my absolute best. PLUS, PEOPLE LEFT AND RIGHT WERE PUMPING UP MY HEAD THAT I'D DEFINITELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, WIN THIS SHOW.
I ENDED UP TAKING 2ND OUT OF 5 AND I WASN'T TOO HAPPY WITH THAT, BUT THE AMOUNT OF ATTENTION AND PRAISE I RECEIVED AFTER THAT WAS INSANE! UNFORTUNATELY, THe POST-SHOW PIG OUT LASTED SEVERAL MONTHS AND I GAINED SOME WEIGHT AND FORMED SOME BAD EATING HABITS! (THEY WERE NEVER PERFECT TO START, BUT AFTER THE SHOW, I'D SUDDENLY CRAVED THINGS I had NEVER EVEN WANTED BEFORE , LIKE OREOS AND TONS OF PEANUT BUTTER!! ) I KEPT TELLING MYSELF I DESERVED IT CUZ I'D DEPRIVED MYSELF FOR SO LONG. WELLLLLL, INCORRECT WAY TO GO, SHERI! lol MY METABOLISM AND EVERYTHING WAS JUST FUCKED! I ENDED UP FALLING IN WITH A CROWD THAT WAS A LITTLE TOO HARDCORE FOR ME AND I MADE SOME WRONG DECISIONS... I ENTERED MY 2ND SHOW AND HAD PROBLEMS THROUGH MY WHOLE PREP. MY EMOTIONAL STATE WAS A SHAMBLES, I TRIED TO CUT MYSELF OFF FROM ALL MY "NORMAL" FRIENDS CUZ ALL THEY WANTED TO DO WAS GO OUT TO EAT AND DRINK AND SUCH AND I WAS TRYING HARD TO STAY AWAY FROM ALL THAT.
SO, I WENT TO THE SHOW. THE PRE JUDGING LASTED FOR-FUCKING-EVER. I WAS DYING OF THIRST, TOTALLY CRABBY, DEHYDRATED, AND JUST ALL-AROUND FRUSTRATED. THE COMPETITION WAS FIERCE AND I KNEW I DIDN'T BRING MY BEST PACKAGE...BUT I DON'T THINK I DESERVED ONE OF THE JUDGES COMING TO MY HOTEL ROOM BEFORE THE NIGHT SHOW TO TELL ME I "LOOKED AWFUL"on stage. I WAS DEVASTATED, DEPLETED , AND DONE. NOTHING ABOUT THIS EXPERIENCE WAS "RIGHT" AND i PACKED UP MY SHIT AND LEFT. THE BACKLASH OF THIS WAS UNBELIEVABLE. THERE WAS LITERALLY 30 PAGES ON A RETARD WEBSITE OF PEOPLE RIPPING ME TO SHREDS. ACCUSING ME OF BEING ON STEROIDS, AND SAYING ALL THIS OTHER NEGATIVE STUFF ABOUT ME! IT TOOK AWHILE, BUT I PULLED MYSELF BACK TOGETHER AND HIRED THE PROMOTERS FROM MY 1ST SHOW TO HELP COACH ME FOR a 3rd SHOW. THE ONLY REASON I WANTED TO COMPETE ONCE MORE WAS TO TRY AND REDEEM MYSELF FOR THAT LAST FUCKSHOW I WENT THROUGH. I THINK I TRIED TO DIET FOR ABOUT 4 WKS AND WAS CRABBY AND UNHAPPY FROM THE START. IT WAS OVER SUMMER AND EVERYONE ELSE WAS OUT HAVING FUN AND HERE I WAS, FAT AND TRYING TO DIET WITHOUT MUCH RESPONSE FROM MY BODY. ALSO: ALL THE CARDIO AND HEAVY LIFTING WAS GETTING TO ME. I HAD SOME REALLY SEVERE LOWER BACK ISSUES. A LOT OF FACTORS CAME INTO MY DECISION TO STOP MY PREP. IT WAS A TOUGH DECISION FOR ME TO QUIT, BUT IT WAS HONESTLY THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO AT THAT TIME!
AFTER THAT, IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY HOW FAST MY "COACHES" JUMPED SHIP ON BEING MY FRIENDS--YES, I'd ACTUALLY THOUGHT THEY WERE MY FRIENDS, AS WE HUNG OUT TOGETHER A LOT AND I TEXTED WITH THEM CONSTANTLY... AFTER THAT, TONS OF OTHER "INTERNET" FRIEND/COMPETITORS FOLLOWED SUIT. PEOPLE EVERYWHERE WERE SHIT= TALKING ME. THE RETARD WEBSITE LIT UP WITH MONKEYS GOING APE SHIT ABOUT MY PIX AND VIDEOS (i was called fat, manly, bloated, delusional, etc. they made fun of my flag nor fail tattoo and spent time on pondering why i had gotten it- why they cared, i have no clue!!!) they religiously read my POSTINGS- THEY STALKED MY RXMUSCLE TRAINING JOURNAL AND RELENTLESSLY POUNDED ME FOR EVERY LITTLE THING I SAID AND DID. I STARTED REALLY SEEING HOW FAKE AND CRAZY PEOPLE IN THE BB INDUSTRY ARE! (NOT ALL OF THEM, BUT MANY!!) IF YOU AREN'T 100% OBESSESSED WITH EVERYTHING BODYBUILDING, YOU AREN'T SHIT IN THEIR BOOK. IF YOU DON'T COMPETE, YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM. SURE, IT HURT ME. BUT I USED THE SPORT AS MUCH AS IT USED ME. I NEEDED SOMETHING TO OBSESS OVER WHILE I GOT OVER MY RELATIONSHIP AND SOMETHING TO THROW MYSELF INTO TILL I WAS READY to BE IN THE REAL WORLD AGAIN...SO, I HID MYSELF IN THE GYM, AND IN MY ROOM, AND IN THE FAKE, FAKE WORLD OF COMPETITION. *(PEOPLE WHO COMPETE, PLEASE DO NOT GET OFFENDED HERE, BUT THIS IS THE WAY IT WENT DOWN FOR ME AND WHAT I WENT THROUGH! I AM SURE IT IS A POSITIVE AND HEALTHY THING FOR A LOT OF YOU. JUST NOT FOR ME.)*
OVERALL, I HAVE NO REGRETS. IT ALL HAPPENED FOR A REASON. IT CHALLENGED ME AND PUSHED ME HARDER THAN I THOUGHT POSSIBLE. i am proud of myself for trying my best. I RESPECTED THE GENUINE PEOPLE I MET THAT HELPED ME AND INSPIRED ME. IT BROUGHT ME HAPPINESS, AND IT HURT ME. IT IS WHAT IT IS AND, NOW, IT'S A PART OF MY PAST! I have RETURNed TO THE WAY I WAS FOR YEAAAARS BEFORE THIS FIASCO: KILLING WORKOUTS AT THE GYM FOR ME; BECAUSE I LOVE IT. NOT FOR ANY BULLSHIT JUDGES OPINIONS OR INTERNET ASSHOLES' APPROVALS!
ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS (FOR ME!), AND I wish NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS TO COMPETE. DO IT, AND DO IT WELL!!!
UPON THE END OF THIS BLOG, I CLOSE THE DOOR ON THIS CHAPTER OF MY LIFE ONCE AND FOR ALL!